Easing back to normal

I can’t believe I’m starting yet another blog post with, “I haven’t felt much like writing lately…,” but I haven’t felt much like writing.

The last time I wrote, I was still 32. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to age yet another year, I just really don’t like my birthday. As much as I talk and love to be with good friends, you’d think I would relish an opportunity to celebrate. The truth is I am very uncomfortable being the object of any sort of fuss. I broke out in hives before most of my wedding and baby showers. It was also surreal receiving a card from my father in law and my sister in law, without Linda’s signature. I know it’s silly, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Once I got the birthday out of the way, I was in a much better mood. Two days later, my mood shifted again and I wondered if I should finally join the club and start medicating. My dear friends Robyn and Keith lost their third child in two years. All of you reading most likely know their story by now. Many of you know Robyn personally and already knew about Rowyn’s passing. I don’t have to tell you, it’s been a sad couple of weeks.

I was also really busy. Robyn and Keith live in Atlanta. Orchestrating a trip with several women takes hours of phone calls and logistical planning only the Marines could pull off. Unfortunately, last minute trips south have become our specialty and our journeys are becoming familiar.

I hadn’t planned to write all that much about the trip, but there are some moments too precious not to share. Some are funny, some are touching, and some are locked in a vault of secrecy.

This trip was a little different, because two of The Pigeons weren’t able to come. One is very, very pregnant, and one has a tiny baby girl. It was such a struggle for both of them to make the decision not to come, and we missed them, but it couldn’t be helped. In their place, Michelle B’s husband Jay came with us. Jay is one of Keith’s dearest friends and wanted to be there for him. Jay is calm, kind, and incredibly brave. I cannot imagine Brandon making the trip and allowing us to all stay in the car!

When we arrived in Marietta late Friday night, we checked into our hotel room and scooted across the street to our favorite Mexican restaurant. I am not a huge lover of tequila, but this place makes extraordinary margaritas. It was 11:30 p.m. and we were so excited to see their OPEN sign still ablaze. We walked inside only to be told they closed thirty minutes prior. Would you believe five grown adults (o.k., four, Jay was much more composed) begged and pleaded like kids in a candy aisle? We got our margaritas and the waiter got a $16 tip.

Saturday morning, we were up and out the door to say our good-byes to Sweet Rowyn. Jennifer and I spoke this time, so we were even more nervy than usual. I told myself if I didn’t have a gushing nosebleed in front of everyone, I’d consider it a success. I didn’t.

The service was beautiful. Robyn and Keith are so loved and Rowyn was such a blessing to so many. At the end of the service, we released 82 pink balloons, in honor of every day Rowyn spent making the world a sweeter place. It was the most amazing balloon launch I’ve ever seen.

A cloud moved in front of the bright sun just as we moved up the hill to let the balloons go. God’s placement of the cloud couldn’t have been better as it shaded our eyes as we watched our balloons float straight to heaven. Robyn and Keith played Billy Joel’s “Lullaby,” and just as the song ended, the final balloons drifted out of our sight.

I don’t know about you, but every balloon launch I’ve ever participated in sees at least a1/3 of its balloons entangle themselves in power lines and trees. Not Rowyn’s. They all floated together and went higher than any balloons I’ve ever seen.

It was such a peaceful moment. When everyone first released their balloons, you could hear sobs and heartache, but as we stood there as a group watching them float higher and higher a sense of calm seemed to fall. It provided more closure than almost any memorial service I’ve ever attended. I very much felt God’s presence and I pray He continues to show Robyn and Keith that despite all they’ve been through, He loves them like they love their girls.

After the service we went back to Robyn’s where I managed to stress-eat a giant plate of food and three desserts.

The one request Robyn made was that we would all go to afore mentioned Mexican restaurant for margaritas. We were more than happy to accommodate her wish for a respite from grief. It was so nice to see Robyn and Keith enjoy time with their friends. It was a comfort to see a huge table of their friends and know that any of us would do anything for them. It made me feel like they will overcome and their wounds are healing. Of course it will take time, but Robyn and Keith are still Robyn and Keith.

And about the margaritas…If you received a call or a text message from my phone, here’s my blanket apology. I left my phone unattended and I learned my lesson!