This may make you mad...

Alright, this is a new one. Before I launch into the weekend update, I have to address the letter that I just pulled out of Alex’s backpack. Normally, I check his backpack as soon as he arrives home from school. I’m getting lackadaisical as the calendar ticks closer to the end of school. By the way, a dollar goes to the first person who comments with the teacher who added “lackadaisical” to our vocabulary. ANYWAY…the letter I pulled out this morning made me laugh out loud and then get really annoyed.

What I’m about to say may make some of you mad, but I either post this here or on Facebook, or I explode. This is password protected and I don’t have time to explode. So here goes…

I don’t understand the hysteria surrounding allergies.

Where were all these “life threatening” allergies when we were kids? I remember people with seasonal allergies. I remember Kelly wasn’t supposed to have strawberries or orange juice, or maybe either. Or maybe I’m making that up, but it seems like she was allergic to something that gave her hives. Hives. Not anaphylactic shock. I knew absolutely NO ONE with a peanut allergy.

Meredith’s school requested parents not send any nut products to school because so many children have “severe nut allergies.” Where and when did this epidemic start? Most of the parents scoffed at the letter home and sent PB&J’s to school anyway. The teachers just put the peanut allergy kids at one table and the world continued to rotate.

I have a friend whose daughter does have a peanut allergy. If she eats peanuts, she swells up like a balloon and it’s hard to breathe through a swollen wind pipe. The little girl consuming peanuts is an obvious concern, so they keep her from eating peanuts! They always bring the dessert at any get together, just to be sure, but they don’t go on patrol making certain no one else in the perimeter has Spanish peanuts on their sundae.

I have another friend whose child has celiac disease. Consuming wheat gluten can cause her child weeks of serious gastrointestinal issues. It’s completely legitimate. They are very cautious, and teach their child what she can and cannot consume and how to manage the issue. However, they continue to live a normal life and realize other people can eat bread without a care in the world.

Both sets of parents are responsible and reasonable. I completely understand and fully support their need to keep their children healthy and safe. I am fully aware they have real issues. It’s the parents who do the opposite that are about to send me over the edge.

Case in point and the catalyst for this morning’s rant: We received a letter from Alex’s school requesting “allergen- free school supplies” be purchased for next school year “due to an allergy in your child’s grade level.” Excuse me? There are such things? Apparently so, because we were given a list of vendors to call so that we may order, and I’m not kidding, “gluten-free ink pads.” I may very well loose my mind.

The funniest part is, we’ve already ordered school supplies. The PTO offers a school supply box that you purchase in advance and it arrives with all of the required supplies at a fraction of the cost. I bet the pencils are wheat stalks dipped in ink and the erasers are peanut-scented.

It would make a bit more sense if these kids were preschoolers and prone to eating paste. They are going into the second grade for crying out loud. Certainly old enough to know what is edible and when to wash their hands. The biggest issue I have is, what does it teach your children when you ask the rest of the world to accommodate them?

It probably also makes a difference that I know the child with the allergy and he is a nightmare. I’ve met his mother several times and let’s just say, he’s a product of his environment. She is absolutely the type to insist the majority change in order to accommodate her son. Nothing is ever his fault. He bit everyone in kindergarten because they were all mean. He was kicked off the bus because he reported all the ‘bullies,’ the principal and all the teachers are out to get him. Blah, blah, blah. You know the type, and if you don’t consider yourself lucky!

No wonder more and more people are staring to homeschool. You can start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, eat peanut butter for lunch, and use all the Dextrin-containing washable finger paints you want!

(I had to google Dextrin, to find out why it’s serious business if you use finger paints. Turns out it’s a low-complex carbohydrate. The horror!)

I bet if I made this my platform, I'd be elected PTO president in no time, and that's the last thing I need.