Zootastic!

I’ve always wanted to be an animal lover. Animal lovers are usually easy going and friendly and everyone seems to like them. Try as I might, I am not an animal person.

Oh sure, I like dogs. I was even really enthusiastic about owning one several years ago. But, I like dogs that don’t shed, stink, or drool. Drooling is the worst!

I like dogs and most animals from afar. From a distance. That’s how I like my animals.

However, I always like the idea of taking my kids to the zoo. I picture us strolling along having brain-growth inducing conversations about habitats and taking smiling pictures in front of a lion that is mid yawn.

Our trips to the zoo never compliment my vision.

Ever.

Instead, we buy tickets that seem sky-high compared to the free admission of the St. Louis Zoo I grew up loving. We follow behind crowds of sweaty barefoot children. We approach animal enclosures only to have either myself or one of the children gag from the smell. We fight for a table to eat $4 hotdogs and fear swallowing the errant bee that wound up in our drink.

And yet, I come back for more!

This weekend our plans changed. We were going to visit the Burgin family in Springfield, but they were hit with a bug earlier in the week. The kids were disappointed and once I have it in my head we’re leaving town, it’s likely going to happen. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but we were going to go somewhere over the weekend.

Sunday morning it hit me. Why not go to Cincinnati? We could go to the zoo, which is supposedly one of the top five zoos in the nation. We could stop by IKEA and look for a desk for Alex. What else did we have to do? To my surprise, Brandon agreed without much prodding and we were out the door by 9:00 a.m. Look at the enthusiasm! It's written all over Brandon's face!

When we got to the zoo, I had high hopes!

BAM! First thing out of the gate, a woman demanding to speak with a manager because a zoo employee wouldn’t give her family seven maps. “We have five children! We NEED seven maps!” I wanted to point out I doubted the infant would be able to fold a map into its original form and that would cause hours of frustration.

Here we go!

Next, we were behind a family who was allowing their child to walk around the zoo barefoot. Barefoot! Through puddles...and it wasn’t raining.

First stop was the reptile house, which was the size of my kitchen and as loud as my kitchen on a busy morning. Alex doesn’t like a lot of noise. I don’t like reptiles.

We made our way to the rhinos, which were covered in mud and it was more than Meredith could handle. “All right. Moving on!”

Brandon forced us all into the cat house. It was indoors and I don’t think leopards are meant to live indoors in tiny glass enclosures. It was evident they do little aside from mark their territory in protest. Alex was breathing through his sleeve.

We could just leave the zoo after we realize we’ve made the same mistake again, but I’m not about to let $44 go to waste. No, we’re going to see it all!

A couple of hours later we left the zoo and drove to IKEA. Yes, IKEA on a Saturday. We’re idiots. The play area was full and our kids were livid. They wanted to spend time with strangers away from Mom and Dad. I was not thrilled about dragging them around the bemouth of a store.

My enthusiasm was further eroded when Brandon and I argued over a desk and would up getting separated. I had the kids. Of course, I had the kids. I did not however, have my cell phone. It was in the car.

Two hours later, I called the store service desk and had them call my lost husband. We were 30 feet from each other.

It was a quiet ride home.