I had better plans!

Monday mornings are always a bit of a struggle. Not because it’s the beginning of the week and I have to drag myself into some job I find boring, it’s just my sleep schedule is interrupted. Brandon almost always has an early morning flight and leaves our house around 5:00 a.m. Which means his alarm goes off at 4:45 a.m. and he showers in our adjacent bathroom.

I’m an early bird and would welcome the chance to get up at 5:00 a.m. and get the day rolling if I could do so alone. I do not want to start the day at 5:00 with the kids. That makes for a very, very long day. So, I try really hard to either stay asleep or fall back asleep when Brandon leaves.

This morning I was barely coherent when Brandon left because I was tired from staying up “late” to watch, process, and obsess over Mad Men. Staying asleep wasn’t a problem aside from me sitting up to bark at Brandon, “HEY! I LOVE YOU!!!” It makes me mad when he leaves without saying so. Planes go down, right?

I fell back to sleep and slept until Alex came in at 6:50 a.m. followed by Meredith who is up at the first sound of a doorknob clicking. We were watching the news and checking the weather when I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. Now, I’m not yet at the age where I discuss my bathroom issues in public, but let’s just say I was feeling like a pro-biotic yogurt commercial.

My stomach still felt bloated, so I decided to make a strong pot of coffee. As I was making the coffee, I quickly realized something was very wrong. I was suddenly very nauseated. I was sweating and in tremendous pain. Just. Like. That.

I made a run for the bathroom and Alex called after me that he would handle breakfast. I love that boy! I sat down thinking I was about to get sick and realized I was in gut-wrenching pain if I sat with my stomach at a 90-degree angle.

Gallbladder! Had to be. I called my mom and breathlessly asked her to describe my stepfather’s gallbladder eruption symptoms. Yep. She agreed. Gallbladder. Medical genius runs in the family.

I asked Alex if he knew how to call 911 in the unlikely event that I fainted. He reminded me of my lecture on how to use our home security system and there was, in fact, a specific button for times just like this.

I managed to call my father in law for a ride and my neighbor Dawn to pawn off the kids. I also dialed Brandon’s number and left him a sobering voice mail.

Once again the kids’ reactions were hilariously in-line with their personalities. Alex was doing all he could to help. He was concerned and worried about my health. Meredith was in tears. I knew it was scary for her to see me writhing in pain, and in the fetal position without make-up. I said, “Oh Sweetie! Don’t be scared. I’ll be alright.” She sobbed, “I’m just afraid you won’t be able to feed me!!!”

I had to get off the bathroom floor to make sure the kids were dressed and I couldn’t go to the ER in my terry cloth pants or without a bra. By the time I stood up and took baby steps through the house, the brigade arrived.

The more I stayed upright the better I felt. I told my father in law several times that I felt a little foolish going to the ER because I was rapidly starting to feel better.

After having to publicly announce my weight, I was checked into the ER. My nurse was very sweet, but seemed to agree with me. She thought I had gas or an “FTS,” Fart Turned Sideways. Thanks Maggie, I’m not a hypochondriac and I don’t have time to hang out in the ER…with my father in law publically discussing my bowel movements and explaining why it is that I no longer have a menstrual period.

After some blood-work, the doctor came in, pushed around on my belly and said he had an idea about what had happened. Two ultrasounds later, with a delightful radiologist who enjoys Frank Sinatra and hates Obama, it was determined I had a very large ovarian cyst that ruptured.

And that was the end of the show. They gave me a work excuse for the remainder of the day. I told them I’d show it to my children.

I knew it all along!

What I’ve long suspected is now confirmed. My children do not appreciate me.

Alex crawled into my lap earlier this week. This doesn’t happen often with a seven year old boy. Second grade ushered in a firm “NO HUGS and CERTAINLY NO KISSES” rule at the bus stop. So I took the opportunity to tell him I realize the days of him liking to hang out with his mother are quickly approaching.

Alex looked me straight in the eye and said, “Oh gosh Mom, I’ll always want you around. I need you!”

I said, “Oh that’s nice to hear. What do you need me for? I’m curious.”

Alex said, “Well, I don’t think I’ll ever learn to tie my shoes. I need you to cook, because I don’t have time, and I definitely need you to do my laundry.” This would be a good time to mention he chucked a shirt at me a few weeks ago and said, “Here, Washer Woman.” His dad laughed.

Meredith isn’t any better.

Merdi’s room is slightly less organized than Billy Bumgartner’s car. I asked her to pick up her things this week and put all her laundry in the basket in her closet. 20 minutes later she trotted downstairs to tell me what a good listener she was and asked me to make note of how helpful she is becoming.

Meredith’s room was, to her credit clean…ish. Of course when I opened the closet I knew exactly where the mess went. Today as I was sorting through the laundry it became even more obvious that my kids think I’m an idiot.

Allow me to inventory what I found in Meredith’s laundry basket(s):

1.) No fewer than four pair of winter tights.
2.) A ballet skirt and leotard that hasn’t been worn since early June.
3.) Two puppets: a duck and an alligator, which could have been catastrophic.
4.) The liner from her brother’s laundry hamper.
5.) A calculator. She is unable count to 20 without leaving out 13 and 17, so this makes sense.
6.) A fake drop cloth with pretend paint splatters that belongs to her brother’s Home Depot paint kit.
7.) And for the finale…Gary Chapman’s best selling “The Five Love Languages, How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”

In no way am I surprised. I don’t really give the kids any reason to believe I’m more than a maid, and a lousy one at that. The thing of it is, I don’t even care. Their expectations are quite low, they don’t decide whether or not I’ll be promoted or receive a bonus, and I can’t be downsized. They’d never survive without me. Not a bad gig!

Meredith and I are having so much fun spending time just the two of us. This is Alex’s third year of being in school, but there’s something different about this year. Meredith can entertain herself while I shower, clean, or work on photography-related stuff. (Or, alright…check for “news” on Facebook!) She can spend hours dressing and undressing Barbie, writing letters, copying words anywhere she can find them, and drawing.

As I’ve mentioned, drawing is a big deal in our house right now. She goes through stacks of paper and I let her.

Here is some of her “work” over the last week or so. Now, I realize they aren’t Cassats, but not bad for a four year old with half of my DNA.

I call this one, Weight Watchers Butterfly:

This is my personal favorite! It's a portrait of me. I asked what the circle above my head was and Meredith said, "Oh! That's your brain! I couldn't figure out how to get it inside your head. And I'm sorry you have black teeth. I don't have a white marker."

After I finish all of the stuff that has to be done each day, we run errands, read, get ice cream, have lunch out, go the park…whatever we feel like doing together completely by ourselves. I’m completely aware of this fleeting time, so I’m determined to make the most of it.

Monday, we were making chocolate chip cookies and Meredith was chattering away. I stopped what I was doing, crouched down to eye level with Merdi and said, “You know, I really wish you could be four forever. This is such a fun age and I enjoy being with you so much. I’m really going to miss you next year. I wish I could freeze you at this age.”

Meredith looked at me and said, “WHAT?! You gotta be kiddin’ me! Four is a tewibble year! I spwit open my chin, broke my arm, and knocked out a tooth! I can’t wait to turn five!”

I guess when you think of it from Meredith’s stand point it has been a rough year. However, I’m now having every medical procedure or test I’ve ever thought about doing since we’ve easily met our deductible for the year.

Man, I'm lousy at keeping up!

I didn’t realize how well Meredith and Alex play together until he left for second grade. When he is home and they spend time in their playroom, I feel like I’m breaking up skirmishes every twenty minutes. In reality, it’s probably once an hour and Meredith is entertained the whole time. With Alex gone, it’s a different story.

Not to say we didn’t stay busy…

Meredith is really, really, really into drawing. She doesn’t seem to enjoy coloring all that much, which is funny because Alex LOVES to color, but not draw freehand…just like his mom. Meredith is happiest with a package of markers and 500 blank sheets of paper.

At some point this week, I’ll scan in some of her drawings and give her an entire post. She’s pretty good for a four year old. Brandon can draw really well, so maybe she gets it from him. Anyway, for much of the week I was able to fend off Merdi’s boredom with a stack of paper.

When Alex gets home from school, they are very anxious to play together. Right now that means driving the gator around the yard and building tents.

It thrills me to know they are close enough to miss each other.

I had a fun week or so of e-mails to respond to. Most of you probably already know via a phone call, text, or FB that I was featured on Me Ra Koh’s photography blog two weeks ago. Evidently, I was pretty excited! Sorry about that.

Me Ra gets thousands of hits a day from people all over the world. Most of the e-mails I got were incredibly touching. Women told me they related to me, gained confidence from what I’ve learned, and thanked me for sharing my story. Some were so flattering that I laughed out loud. One lady thanked me for answering questions for her and she was so surprised that “someone of your caliber and talent” would take the time to respond to her message. Seriously?! Talk about a guffaw!

I got messages from some real wackados too. I won’t go into them, but I don’t have time to settle disputes between one time best friends who now hate each other because they argued over wedding photos…Women are weird.

Maybe the most bizarre thing to come out of Me Ra’s post was a comment left by someone who loved my work. The woman left a website address, so I followed her link and quickly recognized landmarks. She was shooting in Flora, Illinois. I snagged her e-mail address and shot her a message asking if she found me through Kelly’s parents. Nope. Turns out, she stumbled upon Me Ra’s blog via a photog’s blog in Texas, read my story, and felt compelled to leave her fist comment ever. How weird!!! And…GET THIS…her daughter was once in a fender bender with Kelly’s little brother, Danny. Small world!

Back to my life as a mom…Thursday Annie came over with Drew and Penny. Meredith was thrilled to have company to play with. Annie is trying to help me overcome my decorating phobia. I really believe everything has to match exactly. If left to my own vices, I would decorate my home much the same way Gymboree designs their clothing lines. Everything. Would. Coordinate. Exactly.

Thursday evening, we met my friend (and neighbor Kerri) and her kids at the pool for sushi. Kerri’s Isabelle and Alex get along very, very well.

They initially bonded over a shared love of California rolls. In fact, we fear we see signs of burgeoning crushes. Gulp!

Nolan, Kerri’s middle son and Meredith have a ball together. Kerri is a peach! She’s my Mom’s in Touch leader and I’m so glad God put her in my life! She even brought me a homemade iced latte to the pool. Her lattes are THE BEST!!!

This weekend has been pretty low key. Meredith helped her friend Clare celebrate turning 5 yesterday at Clare’s Olympic themed birthday party. It was hot, but really fun. Clare’s sister Kendall provided me with hours of entertainment. She’s seriously the funniest two year old I’ve ever met.

Today, we’re staying inside to escape the 90 degree heat and I’m finally going to put away my suitcase from Hawaii. Yep. It’s still on the floor of my room. I often do projects to 80% completion and unpacking is one of them. Lord help me when I re-enter the workforce.

All right, I guess I was living in the past. Kelly informed me this morning this blog has become antiquated. The last thing I need is to have yet another thing I associate with age by the minute. So, here we go.

The first full week we were back from Hawaii, the kids and I repacked and headed to southern Illinois. My grandma kept the kids at her house, with the help of GramPam and Trophy while I went to Olney for our annual girls’ weekend.

Nana had so much fun with the kids and from all reports, they were well behaved. I think my family must have been drinking. The kids LOVE my grandma and it’s fun to see them devour her cooking much like I did as a tyke. If I lived with Nana, I’d weigh 400 lbs.

Last week was spent winding down, getting back on a schedule, and spending our last few precious days of summer at the pool.

OH…and I had a hair accessory party, which turned out to be really fun. Jill C.’s sister in law makes fabulous barrettes, headbands, etc. Jill came along for the ride which was a complete treat!

Yesterday was Alex’s last full day before school and he wanted to go to the King Tut exhibit at the Children’s Museum. Brandon didn’t fly out until today, and he was very excited to see the 4,000 year old stuff.

I don’t fully appreciate Egypt. I think of Egypt as hot, sandy, and full of animals I don’t like. I also believe it to be a hotbed of terrorism. Brandon has been dying to visit for years and I keep avoiding the trip. I thought the exhibit might buy me a few more years, until our frequent flyer miles expire.

Brandon loves all things Egypt and especially this fruit loop.

I can’t understand 80% of what he says and therefore don’t like to listen to him. Brandon likes him enough to part with $45 for a signed book. I was thankful he bought the book instead of the wretched signed hat he initially spotted.

Anyway, I suppose the exhibit is very interesting if you’re into that sort of thing. Once I’ve seen a dozen or so 4,000 year old statues of cats, I’m ready to move on. The kids quickly felt the same way. We parked it on a bench while Brandon read signs and Alex regretted his decision to forgo the pool.

Today was the first day of second grade for Alex. Weird! Weirder…I had a near panic attack thinking about Meredith starting kindergarten next fall. Alex once again has been blessed with an amazing teacher. God always takes great care of us with teacher selection. Mrs. Small is a peach! He was very excited to start school and by the minimalist report I was given at the end of the day, he enjoyed it.

Tonight is the one night of the year I really wish I didn’t have any responsibility. Jimmy Buffet is in town and the concert is 15 minutes from our house. They start talking about it on the morning news and I start getting jealous and wearing a lei around the house.

Jennifer and her family often come to the show and they’re there as I type…with their tiny parrot head, Caroline! It was a surprise for Caroline who loves Uncle Jimmy like you wouldn’t believe! We met them for dinner and I was so nervous my kiddos would let it slip. Turns out they had no idea they were even going to Buffet.

Pathetically, I sat in the Tahoe and listened to the show live on XM until the heat got the best of me. I cannot wait to talk to Caroline tomorrow and see what she thought about the surprise of her life!

Our VERY last day of vacation...

You thought it would never end didn't you?

Normally when it's time to wrap up a vacation, I'm ready to go. Either the kids are driving me bananas, we've seen all there is to see, and/or I'm exhausted. The last time we were in Maui, Alex was at home with his grandparents and I was dying to see him. I had a reason to go home. This time it was entirely different.

As much as I'm not a beach person, Brandon is not a resort person. Prior to having children, we never--not once-- made our way to a hotel pool or a beach while on vacation. Brandon is an activity guy. He likes to participate in every tour or activity a place has to offer. He gets it honestly. Trust me. I love living the resort lifestyle and the kids especially love a new place to swim, which Brandon doesn't understand. "We have a pool at home. You guys swim there every day. Why do you need to swim here?"

So, with trepidation I asked Brandon if we could request a late check out and just fiddle around the resort until we absolutely had to leave. I braced for the usual, "Uh, we don't really have time. We need to get organized and packed." Instead he said, "Of course. Whatever you guys want to do." I think he was afraid I was about to crack.

That's just what we did. We spent a couple of hours on the beach, playing in the waves. Then, we went to the pool and swam with the kids. We ate lunch at the pool-side restaurant and then made our way upstairs to pack. We thought we had oodles of time, but it turned out, we had an hour and a half to shower everyone, dress, and pack up eight days worth of stuff. Oops. I was literally stuffing my toiletries into the luggage while the bellman loaded the cart.

Before we left, I walked through the rooms and just tried to soak it in. Then, in order to fully torture myself, I stepped onto the balcony to commit the view to memory. I burst into tears. Ugly cry. The whole nine yards. Brandon really started to fear the worst and suggested we go shopping and have dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise. He knows how to fix everything.

Our plane didn't leave until 8:00 p.m., which allowed for several hours of shopping and shave ice eating. We did eat dinner at Cheeseburger and I was so stuffed from my ono sandwich at lunch, I couldn't even finish half. That usually means I have a stomach virus.

We happen to sit on the second floor of the restaurant, because I wanted to sit by the water! The entire place is open-air, so keep that in mind...We were finishing our dinner and I had the camera out taking pictures of the kids drinking out of pineapples, when out of nowhere, we hear squeals and our table is drenched.

I freak out and start wiping down my camera with any available dry napkin I can scrounge. What the hell?! We're on the SECOND floor, at least 20 feet in the air. I asked a waitress, who looked like she'd been around for awhile, how often that happened and she said, "I've worked her 16 years, Cookie and that's the second time it's happened." I think it was the island trying to wash us out to sea, so we couldn't leave. If I could have paid it to do so, I would have!

We finally boarded the plane around 8 p.m., and settled in for a really long flight. I don't sleep on planes, unless I'm in the front, where I can stretch out and I have a personal TV screen, otherwise forget it. I'm an owl! Fortunately, the rest of the family can and did. In fact, they slept pretty much through to Minneapolis. Although, they were a wound up bunch in Seattle at 4 a.m.

I knew we had to come home and get back to reality. I just wasn't ready to. I mentioned something to my friend Jennifer about it and she said, "Well, honey you've had a hard year. So much has happened. No wonder you didn't want to come back to reality."

I guess we kind of have had a stressful year. I didn't think of it as all that stressful, because Brandon is still employed, we have our house, I'm still able to stay home, we have insurance, the kids are healthy, etc. All the things I worry about are in order, and because I'm so busy being so thankful for all of that, I tend to forget about the other stuff. But, when I look back we've had a lot to swallow. Amid the economic insecurities, we lost Brandon's mom, we lost a sweet little friend in Rowyn, I lost my aunt, and reconnected with (and subsequently lost) my dad again, and another good friend is losing his battle with cancer.

Whew! It has been an interesting six months or so. But, that's what life is about. The joys balance the heartaches and this trip was a complete joy. We have so much to be thankful for and feel blessed beyond words to experience all that we do.

Vacation Day 6-7

Sunday morning, Brandon tip-toed out of the room around 6:15 a.m. He had a tee time on the Plantation course at Kapalua. Alex wasn’t invited for this round. The Plantation is home to the Mercedes Championship on the PGA tour. This course is a big deal. Brandon played it the last time we were in Maui with his friend Joel. I was impressed with his resolve to play the course again not knowing with whom he might be paired. There seem to be a lot of older Japanese gentlemen, who may or may not choose to speak English, in search of a fourth. As luck would have it, Brandon ended up with a guy from Cincinnati on his honeymoon and two guys who work for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, my first illustrious 90 day career. He had a great time playing one of the most scenic courses in the world.

I don’t know why Brandon felt the need to sneak out, as the kids and I were up and about seconds after the door closed behind him. After breakfast, we headed for the beach.

I’m not a huge beach person, as we all know. I (sort of) got used to the sand in Gulf Shores, because I can deal with soft, warm, fluffy sand much better than any other kind. However, the kids were so excited to go to the beach and who doesn’t go to the beach in Hawaii?! So, off we went. After taking 75 pictures, I turned the kids loose. Alex wanted to do nothing aside from dig.

Meredith wanted to crash into waves.

The beach is breathtakingly gorgeous. It’s encased by two lava-formed peninsulas and the black contrasting with the blue water is spectacular. The sun was shining, it was breezy, and the temperature was 82 degrees. It doesn’t get much better and I even told someone that as Meredith and I were walking along the water’s edge. Then we got into the waves. As Alex watched us from his archeology site, Meredith and I body surfed and splashed around. We finally coaxed Alex into the water and he was cracking up trying to avoid being pushed into shore by the waves.

As we were having our laugh fest, a big wave hit us, and Meredith squealed and grabbed my face, catching my left ear. I was instantly nauseous. I suddenly remembered I was wearing my diamond studs. I felt the back sticking to my ear but realized the stud had just fallen to the bottom. Meredith started sobbing, and was practically inconsolable no matter how many times I assured her it wasn’t her fault at all. I told her it was “just a thing,” not to worry. All the while wondering if people sold one .5 carat weight earrings on eBay. I tried to push it out of my mind and have just fun, but it stung. Those earrings were my 30th birthday gift from Brandon. I wore them everyday and it didn’t even occur to me to take them out.

Moving on!

We then went to the pool for an hour or so. The kids swam until they reached exhaustion and we guessed Dad’s round was finished. By the time we got showered and ready for lunch, Brandon was home and we went back to The Aloha Mixed Plate, which is a deck where they serve food on paper plates and it is fantastic! Meredith ordered a scoop of rice. Delicious?

Sunday night, we went to The Old Lahaina Luau.

This would be the third time Brandon and I have gone to this particular luau, but I still get excited. They’re grounds are along the shore and just beautiful. It’s lit with tiki torches, is landscaped to make you feel like you’re in an ancient Hawaiian village, and they have an open bar. The show is an overview of Hawaiian culture using the hula as the guide. It’s spectacular!

We sat with a family, who also had a girl and a boy, and happened to be staying at our resort. The mom was a doll, the kids were a little surly, and the dad was a total weirdo. They were from Canada. He asked me 1,000 questions about our family and simply could not believe we would fly “all the way from the East coast” to come to Maui. Aside from needing a map, he was obnoxious. “Why wouldn’t you just go to south Florida?” We’ve been to south Florida, it doesn’t look like Maui. “Isn’t the snorkeling better in The Keys?” Well, we like other things aside from the snorkeling. “Why don’t you just go to Europe instead?” We have. We like vacationing in Maui better. It went on and on and on. The mom was shirking in embarrassment. The kids were scowling at each other.

They went on to tell us they went horseback riding that afternoon. Brandon said, “Huh, they don’t have horses in Canada?” Priceless.

All of this didn’t distract Meredith from the show, which she LOVED. She also tried really hard to draw attention to herself, by dancing near the end of our table. She had every hope of being pulled on stage. It didn’t happen. Alex just watched the coconut bras, completely embarrassed and I thought about how different a return trip with a 12-year-old boy might be.

Monday morning, was our last full day in Maui.

We rented a jeep, mostly for Alex’s sake, and drove to Hana and around the back side of the island. Hana is about a two hour drive from Kapalua, but you don’t just drive to Hana to drive to Hana. It’s a very scenic drive around 600 turns on a two-lane and sometimes one, road. There’s one store. The Hasegawea General Store. They sell everything from popsicles to box fans and electrical wire. It’s truly a general store. If they had a clearance aisle, Brandon would never leave.

The drive to Hana is shady and rainforesty, really pretty easy with several scenic stops along the way. The drive home around the back side of the island is gorgeous, but barren, severe, dusty, and hot. I started to question why we left an Escalade in the parking lot to bump around in a jeep all day. I questioned this as I reapplied sunscreen to the sleeping kids as they were slumped over, using the roll bars as pillows. Nevertheless, it’s an adventure! The kids better remember it.

That night we had a reservation at one of the top ten sushi restaurants in the US, Sansei, which just so happened to be on resort property. O.K., here’s the deal with sushi and me: I only started eating California and vegetable rolls about four years ago. I’ve nibbled a bit of ahi tuna, here and there, but could never quite get my head around the whole raw fish thing. I’m completely over it! Sansei, has earned it’s position. Brandon ordered for the table and I told him to go out on a limb, I was throwing caution to the wind. It was the best meal I’ve eaten in the ten years we’ve been married. PHENOMENAL! Meredith wolfed down several California rolls and couldn’t get enough of the asparagus rolls. Alex ate everything we put in front of him. It’s a good thing I decided I’d go back to Weight Watchers after the trip.

We walked back to the hotel knowing it was our last dinner in paradise and dreading the trip home. We stalled as long as possible, stopping at every store the resort had, and lingering in the lobby to listen to live music. I wanted to clap my hands and stop time!