I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor...

My house is driving me crazy! I have loads and loads of laundry to do. I can write my name in the dust on my hardwoods, and I have to kick a path through the toys in almost every room. In short, we’re a mess. Here’s the problem: I’M NEVER HOME! If I’m home three solid hours a day it’s a miracle.

My grand plan is always to put the kids to bed and go to work. By the time I’ve done the dinner dishes, bathed Meredith, helped Alex re-brush his teeth, and read a chapter of Charlotte’s Web, I’m down for the count. I can’t move. I’m glued to the couch, or lately my bed, and before I know it, it’s 11:30 p.m. I really need to get a better plan.

Now, if you were to ask me where we are all the time, I’d be hard-pressed to give you a concrete answer. I do know I drove around enough yesterday that I have a sun burn on my right arm that came from the sunroof. That’s right. I got burned while running errands. Sigh.

We just seem to go from one errand to the next and then it’s time to meet the bus and get Alex to gymnastics, or the school carnival, or “ PTO spirit night” at the ice cream shop near our house. Our days are filled with volunteer commitments, although Beckman is teaching me the “Power of No,” and I’m starting to believe!

I also have a tendency to say “Yes” to every coffee, playdate, or lunch offer extended. I’m pretty social. To call Meredith social would be like saying our mounting national debt is pocket change. So, in a way I feel like we’d both wilt without outside interaction, or worse yet become one of those creepy mother daughter pairs who simply can’t breathe without the other. I just need to find a better way to fit it all in.

Here was our week, and you can see why I have an IV of Diet Coke. (Now, I realize lots and lots of women have successful careers and two or three children and have it much harder than me, and they STILL manage to keep an orderly home! )

Monday: We had ballet in the morning. Mom’s In Touch is over for the year, so that freed up an hour or two. I forced myself to get on the treadmill, and somehow made us late to ballet once again. Our playdate for the afternoon was rescheduled, so I used the unscheduled time to shop for birthday gifts for Alex and run other errands.

Tuesday: Back on the treadmill, which made us late to the all school pre-school picnic. Why is it that what I think will take 45 minutes, really takes and hour and a half or more? You’d think I’d catch on. While at the picnic, one of the moms told me the kids were discussing prayer in class. When and where they pray, etc. When it was Merdi’s turn, she informed the class that she prays all the time and had in fact, just talked to Jesus. She went on to say Jesus told her, “He really, really likes my new shoes!!!” After the picnic we went to the nursery to buy flowers that are still sitting on my front porch waiting to be planted. Then, the bus dropped off Alex and we ran to gymnastics.

Wednesday: Treadmill, with no time constraints! It still took us forever to get out of the house for a trip to Target for necessities and potting soil for the afore mentioned plants. By the time we got home, it was nearly time for Alex to get off the bus. He did, and then had to be driven to his playdate with Grandpa. My only request, please meet us at the “PTO spirit night,” halfway presentable…While Alex was planting tomato plants Meredith and I had dinner with Dawn and her kids. Then, we all raced to the ice cream store so we could support the PTO. Alex was there, right on time, and looked as though he’s spent the day in a hog pen.

Thursday: This used to be my day to get caught up, fat chance sister, pre-school is over for the year. Oh, but Grandpa would like Meredith’s company today. SOLD! I had grand plans of cleaning, putting away laundry, and throwing out toys when no one was looking. A phone call from my salon reminding me of my haircut…in the middle of the day…dashed my hopes of living in an orderly home. Then, my cousin called and wanted me to have lunch with our grandparents at the hospital where my aunt is fighting for her life. How can I possibly say “No” to that?! I love them all, my house can wait. I raced home to meet the bus, only to drive back across town to pick up Meredith from Grandpa’s. AND…it’s Alex’s spelling test night. I love spelling test night. It’s like teaching a badger to spell.

I would love nothing more than to be Barbara Eden from “I Dream of Genie” or Samantha from “Bewitched.” When I think about the little girl in “Mary Poppins” snapping her fingers and having all the toys jump onto shelves, my heart skips a beat. I’m afraid I’m a mortal, and a slovenly one at that.

Sometimes I read the obligatory hand-print poem every three year old makes for Mother’s Day. You know, the one about the “tiny finger-prints disappearing from walls,” that’s supposed to make me nostalgic…At this point in time it sounds like magic!