I had better plans!

Monday mornings are always a bit of a struggle. Not because it’s the beginning of the week and I have to drag myself into some job I find boring, it’s just my sleep schedule is interrupted. Brandon almost always has an early morning flight and leaves our house around 5:00 a.m. Which means his alarm goes off at 4:45 a.m. and he showers in our adjacent bathroom.

I’m an early bird and would welcome the chance to get up at 5:00 a.m. and get the day rolling if I could do so alone. I do not want to start the day at 5:00 with the kids. That makes for a very, very long day. So, I try really hard to either stay asleep or fall back asleep when Brandon leaves.

This morning I was barely coherent when Brandon left because I was tired from staying up “late” to watch, process, and obsess over Mad Men. Staying asleep wasn’t a problem aside from me sitting up to bark at Brandon, “HEY! I LOVE YOU!!!” It makes me mad when he leaves without saying so. Planes go down, right?

I fell back to sleep and slept until Alex came in at 6:50 a.m. followed by Meredith who is up at the first sound of a doorknob clicking. We were watching the news and checking the weather when I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. Now, I’m not yet at the age where I discuss my bathroom issues in public, but let’s just say I was feeling like a pro-biotic yogurt commercial.

My stomach still felt bloated, so I decided to make a strong pot of coffee. As I was making the coffee, I quickly realized something was very wrong. I was suddenly very nauseated. I was sweating and in tremendous pain. Just. Like. That.

I made a run for the bathroom and Alex called after me that he would handle breakfast. I love that boy! I sat down thinking I was about to get sick and realized I was in gut-wrenching pain if I sat with my stomach at a 90-degree angle.

Gallbladder! Had to be. I called my mom and breathlessly asked her to describe my stepfather’s gallbladder eruption symptoms. Yep. She agreed. Gallbladder. Medical genius runs in the family.

I asked Alex if he knew how to call 911 in the unlikely event that I fainted. He reminded me of my lecture on how to use our home security system and there was, in fact, a specific button for times just like this.

I managed to call my father in law for a ride and my neighbor Dawn to pawn off the kids. I also dialed Brandon’s number and left him a sobering voice mail.

Once again the kids’ reactions were hilariously in-line with their personalities. Alex was doing all he could to help. He was concerned and worried about my health. Meredith was in tears. I knew it was scary for her to see me writhing in pain, and in the fetal position without make-up. I said, “Oh Sweetie! Don’t be scared. I’ll be alright.” She sobbed, “I’m just afraid you won’t be able to feed me!!!”

I had to get off the bathroom floor to make sure the kids were dressed and I couldn’t go to the ER in my terry cloth pants or without a bra. By the time I stood up and took baby steps through the house, the brigade arrived.

The more I stayed upright the better I felt. I told my father in law several times that I felt a little foolish going to the ER because I was rapidly starting to feel better.

After having to publicly announce my weight, I was checked into the ER. My nurse was very sweet, but seemed to agree with me. She thought I had gas or an “FTS,” Fart Turned Sideways. Thanks Maggie, I’m not a hypochondriac and I don’t have time to hang out in the ER…with my father in law publically discussing my bowel movements and explaining why it is that I no longer have a menstrual period.

After some blood-work, the doctor came in, pushed around on my belly and said he had an idea about what had happened. Two ultrasounds later, with a delightful radiologist who enjoys Frank Sinatra and hates Obama, it was determined I had a very large ovarian cyst that ruptured.

And that was the end of the show. They gave me a work excuse for the remainder of the day. I told them I’d show it to my children.

I knew it all along!

What I’ve long suspected is now confirmed. My children do not appreciate me.

Alex crawled into my lap earlier this week. This doesn’t happen often with a seven year old boy. Second grade ushered in a firm “NO HUGS and CERTAINLY NO KISSES” rule at the bus stop. So I took the opportunity to tell him I realize the days of him liking to hang out with his mother are quickly approaching.

Alex looked me straight in the eye and said, “Oh gosh Mom, I’ll always want you around. I need you!”

I said, “Oh that’s nice to hear. What do you need me for? I’m curious.”

Alex said, “Well, I don’t think I’ll ever learn to tie my shoes. I need you to cook, because I don’t have time, and I definitely need you to do my laundry.” This would be a good time to mention he chucked a shirt at me a few weeks ago and said, “Here, Washer Woman.” His dad laughed.

Meredith isn’t any better.

Merdi’s room is slightly less organized than Billy Bumgartner’s car. I asked her to pick up her things this week and put all her laundry in the basket in her closet. 20 minutes later she trotted downstairs to tell me what a good listener she was and asked me to make note of how helpful she is becoming.

Meredith’s room was, to her credit clean…ish. Of course when I opened the closet I knew exactly where the mess went. Today as I was sorting through the laundry it became even more obvious that my kids think I’m an idiot.

Allow me to inventory what I found in Meredith’s laundry basket(s):

1.) No fewer than four pair of winter tights.
2.) A ballet skirt and leotard that hasn’t been worn since early June.
3.) Two puppets: a duck and an alligator, which could have been catastrophic.
4.) The liner from her brother’s laundry hamper.
5.) A calculator. She is unable count to 20 without leaving out 13 and 17, so this makes sense.
6.) A fake drop cloth with pretend paint splatters that belongs to her brother’s Home Depot paint kit.
7.) And for the finale…Gary Chapman’s best selling “The Five Love Languages, How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”

In no way am I surprised. I don’t really give the kids any reason to believe I’m more than a maid, and a lousy one at that. The thing of it is, I don’t even care. Their expectations are quite low, they don’t decide whether or not I’ll be promoted or receive a bonus, and I can’t be downsized. They’d never survive without me. Not a bad gig!

Meredith and I are having so much fun spending time just the two of us. This is Alex’s third year of being in school, but there’s something different about this year. Meredith can entertain herself while I shower, clean, or work on photography-related stuff. (Or, alright…check for “news” on Facebook!) She can spend hours dressing and undressing Barbie, writing letters, copying words anywhere she can find them, and drawing.

As I’ve mentioned, drawing is a big deal in our house right now. She goes through stacks of paper and I let her.

Here is some of her “work” over the last week or so. Now, I realize they aren’t Cassats, but not bad for a four year old with half of my DNA.

I call this one, Weight Watchers Butterfly:

This is my personal favorite! It's a portrait of me. I asked what the circle above my head was and Meredith said, "Oh! That's your brain! I couldn't figure out how to get it inside your head. And I'm sorry you have black teeth. I don't have a white marker."

After I finish all of the stuff that has to be done each day, we run errands, read, get ice cream, have lunch out, go the park…whatever we feel like doing together completely by ourselves. I’m completely aware of this fleeting time, so I’m determined to make the most of it.

Monday, we were making chocolate chip cookies and Meredith was chattering away. I stopped what I was doing, crouched down to eye level with Merdi and said, “You know, I really wish you could be four forever. This is such a fun age and I enjoy being with you so much. I’m really going to miss you next year. I wish I could freeze you at this age.”

Meredith looked at me and said, “WHAT?! You gotta be kiddin’ me! Four is a tewibble year! I spwit open my chin, broke my arm, and knocked out a tooth! I can’t wait to turn five!”

I guess when you think of it from Meredith’s stand point it has been a rough year. However, I’m now having every medical procedure or test I’ve ever thought about doing since we’ve easily met our deductible for the year.

Man, I'm lousy at keeping up!

I didn’t realize how well Meredith and Alex play together until he left for second grade. When he is home and they spend time in their playroom, I feel like I’m breaking up skirmishes every twenty minutes. In reality, it’s probably once an hour and Meredith is entertained the whole time. With Alex gone, it’s a different story.

Not to say we didn’t stay busy…

Meredith is really, really, really into drawing. She doesn’t seem to enjoy coloring all that much, which is funny because Alex LOVES to color, but not draw freehand…just like his mom. Meredith is happiest with a package of markers and 500 blank sheets of paper.

At some point this week, I’ll scan in some of her drawings and give her an entire post. She’s pretty good for a four year old. Brandon can draw really well, so maybe she gets it from him. Anyway, for much of the week I was able to fend off Merdi’s boredom with a stack of paper.

When Alex gets home from school, they are very anxious to play together. Right now that means driving the gator around the yard and building tents.

It thrills me to know they are close enough to miss each other.

I had a fun week or so of e-mails to respond to. Most of you probably already know via a phone call, text, or FB that I was featured on Me Ra Koh’s photography blog two weeks ago. Evidently, I was pretty excited! Sorry about that.

Me Ra gets thousands of hits a day from people all over the world. Most of the e-mails I got were incredibly touching. Women told me they related to me, gained confidence from what I’ve learned, and thanked me for sharing my story. Some were so flattering that I laughed out loud. One lady thanked me for answering questions for her and she was so surprised that “someone of your caliber and talent” would take the time to respond to her message. Seriously?! Talk about a guffaw!

I got messages from some real wackados too. I won’t go into them, but I don’t have time to settle disputes between one time best friends who now hate each other because they argued over wedding photos…Women are weird.

Maybe the most bizarre thing to come out of Me Ra’s post was a comment left by someone who loved my work. The woman left a website address, so I followed her link and quickly recognized landmarks. She was shooting in Flora, Illinois. I snagged her e-mail address and shot her a message asking if she found me through Kelly’s parents. Nope. Turns out, she stumbled upon Me Ra’s blog via a photog’s blog in Texas, read my story, and felt compelled to leave her fist comment ever. How weird!!! And…GET THIS…her daughter was once in a fender bender with Kelly’s little brother, Danny. Small world!

Back to my life as a mom…Thursday Annie came over with Drew and Penny. Meredith was thrilled to have company to play with. Annie is trying to help me overcome my decorating phobia. I really believe everything has to match exactly. If left to my own vices, I would decorate my home much the same way Gymboree designs their clothing lines. Everything. Would. Coordinate. Exactly.

Thursday evening, we met my friend (and neighbor Kerri) and her kids at the pool for sushi. Kerri’s Isabelle and Alex get along very, very well.

They initially bonded over a shared love of California rolls. In fact, we fear we see signs of burgeoning crushes. Gulp!

Nolan, Kerri’s middle son and Meredith have a ball together. Kerri is a peach! She’s my Mom’s in Touch leader and I’m so glad God put her in my life! She even brought me a homemade iced latte to the pool. Her lattes are THE BEST!!!

This weekend has been pretty low key. Meredith helped her friend Clare celebrate turning 5 yesterday at Clare’s Olympic themed birthday party. It was hot, but really fun. Clare’s sister Kendall provided me with hours of entertainment. She’s seriously the funniest two year old I’ve ever met.

Today, we’re staying inside to escape the 90 degree heat and I’m finally going to put away my suitcase from Hawaii. Yep. It’s still on the floor of my room. I often do projects to 80% completion and unpacking is one of them. Lord help me when I re-enter the workforce.

All right, I guess I was living in the past. Kelly informed me this morning this blog has become antiquated. The last thing I need is to have yet another thing I associate with age by the minute. So, here we go.

The first full week we were back from Hawaii, the kids and I repacked and headed to southern Illinois. My grandma kept the kids at her house, with the help of GramPam and Trophy while I went to Olney for our annual girls’ weekend.

Nana had so much fun with the kids and from all reports, they were well behaved. I think my family must have been drinking. The kids LOVE my grandma and it’s fun to see them devour her cooking much like I did as a tyke. If I lived with Nana, I’d weigh 400 lbs.

Last week was spent winding down, getting back on a schedule, and spending our last few precious days of summer at the pool.

OH…and I had a hair accessory party, which turned out to be really fun. Jill C.’s sister in law makes fabulous barrettes, headbands, etc. Jill came along for the ride which was a complete treat!

Yesterday was Alex’s last full day before school and he wanted to go to the King Tut exhibit at the Children’s Museum. Brandon didn’t fly out until today, and he was very excited to see the 4,000 year old stuff.

I don’t fully appreciate Egypt. I think of Egypt as hot, sandy, and full of animals I don’t like. I also believe it to be a hotbed of terrorism. Brandon has been dying to visit for years and I keep avoiding the trip. I thought the exhibit might buy me a few more years, until our frequent flyer miles expire.

Brandon loves all things Egypt and especially this fruit loop.

I can’t understand 80% of what he says and therefore don’t like to listen to him. Brandon likes him enough to part with $45 for a signed book. I was thankful he bought the book instead of the wretched signed hat he initially spotted.

Anyway, I suppose the exhibit is very interesting if you’re into that sort of thing. Once I’ve seen a dozen or so 4,000 year old statues of cats, I’m ready to move on. The kids quickly felt the same way. We parked it on a bench while Brandon read signs and Alex regretted his decision to forgo the pool.

Today was the first day of second grade for Alex. Weird! Weirder…I had a near panic attack thinking about Meredith starting kindergarten next fall. Alex once again has been blessed with an amazing teacher. God always takes great care of us with teacher selection. Mrs. Small is a peach! He was very excited to start school and by the minimalist report I was given at the end of the day, he enjoyed it.

Tonight is the one night of the year I really wish I didn’t have any responsibility. Jimmy Buffet is in town and the concert is 15 minutes from our house. They start talking about it on the morning news and I start getting jealous and wearing a lei around the house.

Jennifer and her family often come to the show and they’re there as I type…with their tiny parrot head, Caroline! It was a surprise for Caroline who loves Uncle Jimmy like you wouldn’t believe! We met them for dinner and I was so nervous my kiddos would let it slip. Turns out they had no idea they were even going to Buffet.

Pathetically, I sat in the Tahoe and listened to the show live on XM until the heat got the best of me. I cannot wait to talk to Caroline tomorrow and see what she thought about the surprise of her life!