Don't text and drive, TYVM

I always thought I was a very responsible driver. My friend Jennifer thought otherwise. On more than one road trip, Jennifer grabbed the dashboard and sucked in her breath. Apparently I was more aggressive than I thought.

I’ve been riding around with Brandon for 14 years and I can tell you I’m no where near as aggressive as he is behind the wheel. He doesn’t signal until he’s half way into a lane “because I’m not going to give some other guy the opportunity to cut me off.” What?!

A few years ago when we were both expecting little girls within a month of each other, Jennifer came for an overnight visit. We were driving to Hobby Lobby and two and a half year old Alex was in the back seat. We were sitting at a stop light when the light turned green. It was literally green for all of three seconds when Alex admonished the car in front of us with a “GOOOO LADY!!!”

Jennifer died laughing and said, “You do know he sounds exactly like you, right?”

Yes, I did. But it got worse this week.

During our time alone on Tuesday, Alex and I were following behind a car on a two lane road, when the guy just suddenly slowed down and turned. Just like that. We were cruising along at 45 mph one second, and the next he slowed and turned off the road, with no warning. I honked and said, “Get it off the road, Jack!” I always reserve the “ass” portion for my head.

Alex said, “Mom, why do you always call annoying drivers ‘Jack?’ I mean, it’s a pretty popular name, not a bad name.”

My response: “Oh, I don’t know. We better get started on spelling words as soon as we pick them up.” That always squelches any conversation with Alex.

Yesterday morning Meredith and I were out running errands and were a bit behind schedule. While waiting at a light that has a very short cycle, the car in front of us fiddled around and missed the green turning arrow. It’s hard to frustrate me more.

I said, “Great! Way to go buddy, you missed the light.” (Please take note that I replaced ‘Jack’ with ‘budddy.’)

Meredith made a guttural noise, rolled her eyes, and said, “Probably texting! Geesh!”

It was funny on many levels, but the best part was the guy who missed the light was more likely adjusting his dentures in the rearview. He was, at minimum 80 years old, and was driving a Mercury Grand Marquis. I doubt he was texting.